It's Friday night and your are doing your usual super exciting routine
of browsing Facebook. You mindlessly scroll through reading about
everyone's day ( the good, the bad, and the boring). " Oh look" you
think to yourself "Jim and Barb are celebrating 15 years today and she
loves him more today than the day they got married. Really?? Is that
even possible?? Michelle and Jason remind everyone they are going out on
their weekly date complete with a ooey, gooey, snuggly picture of the
two of them. Caption saying how essential it is to have one on one time
if you want a happy marriage. You continue to scroll and continue to
read all the while you don't realize you are setting yourself up for
failure. It may not happen the first time, but slowly and surely you
start to compare yourself/your marriage to these fairy tale marriages
that only exists on Facebook.
Sure parts of it are true, but so much is left out. Jim and Barb are in
fact celebrating 15 years today and yes Barb is hopelessly in love with
Jim, but what she didn't post is last year she and Jim felt they had no
other option and were headed for divorce. And yes Michelle and Jason
make it a priority to go out each week because they both came from
divorced families and they know the devastation it can cause to a child.
Social media is awesome and I for one love it and no I do not think you
should share every fight you and your spouse have. But I think we as a
society need to be mindful of what we post and more importantly what we
read.
Over the years I have personally talked to two women who called to vent
( venting is good for the soul). Both felt their marriages were doomed
and headed for divorce. Less than 24 hours after speaking on the phone
with these ladies they posted a status saying how in love they were with
their husbands and how awesome their spouses were. Instead of happiness
I felt sadness because I knew that some other wife was struggling right
now in her marriage and she needed someone she could talk to who could
support her, pray with her, listen to her, sympathize and understand
her. What she found on Facebook was another woman who has the best
husband and is so very much in love. I imagine her walking away from her
computer feeling lonely, hopeless, sad, and defeated. All of her
friends have these "perfect" husbands, and "perfect" marriages, and they
are "perfectly" in love. They could never understand what it feels like
to be married to a stranger. To go to bed each night with your spouse
with in arms reach, but feeling absolutely alone. They have no idea
what you are going through. Social media is a flip book of our lives and we
are the author and publishers and usually only allow the good to be
published.
For me personally I have been married almost 17 years and we have had
our ups and downs. I have wanted a divorce more than that I care to
admit, I have loved him more than the day we got married over and over
again. We have fought and yelled and kissed and made up. We have gone to
bed angry and we have held grudges for more than a day. We have forgiven
and moved on and grown up together. We will do all these over again in
the next 17 years and if I am being honest probably in the next 6 months.
We can not compare ourselves to Jim and Barb or Michelle and Jason (
fake people by the way) for the simple reason we are not them. Imagine
going to the library and all the books had a different family on the
cover, but the stories inside were the same. We would never go to the
library! God created us all as individuals and our marriages should be
our own unique love stories. When you read someone's status update keep
in mind that is one sentence in the book of their lives.
Melinda Nicodemus
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